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In today’s newsletter, we’ll talk about how to learn from anyone, and you’ll also find a new podcast interview, a talk on being more human, and a talk on embracing change. — I truly believe we can learn from anyone, even people with less professional experience than us, even people who don’t share our values, and even people who frustrate us. When I speak at conferences, I try to attend some of the other talks, and I often find myself in the audience during introductory presentations by people earlier in their career. In the “hallway track,” I sometimes end up in discussions with people who disagree with me, even about the importance of compassion in tech. In all of these situations, I look for gifts. For example, if someone is speaking about how to break into tech, sure, I’m not in the most obvious target audience since I’ve been in tech a long time. However, curiosity keeps me engaged during the talk. What were this person’s experiences? What barriers must they see to entering the industry that led them to give this talk? How are other people in the audience responding? How can I use this new data to help people break into tech? What new technologies and approaches does this person mention that I may not be familiar with? How might I be inspired by this person’s presentation style? I would never characterize a presentation as “boring” because I agree with this sentiment from School of Life’s A Simpler Life: “[W]hether we find someone interesting or not depends more on us than it does on them.” Applying active listening can make any interaction enriching. Curiosity also comes in handy when you’re in a frustrating conversation. At a recent conference, I encountered someone who challenged nearly everything I said, seemingly finding pleasure in arguing. While I appreciate playing with ideas and looking at issues from different perspectives, I noticed the constant pushback was starting to irritate me, especially when I was sharing my personal emotional experiences. So, I paused and questioned myself—why is this upsetting me so much? What can I do to calm myself so I can stay present? Why is this person behaving this way? What might have shaped their communication style? Where is the disconnect that’s preventing us from connecting, and how might we build a bridge? The questions are endless and can increase self-awareness and deepen empathy. Richard Carlson sums it up nicely in Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff: “[I]magine that everyone you know and everyone you meet is perfectly enlightened. That is, everyone except you! The people you meet are all here to teach you something. Perhaps the obnoxious driver or disrespectful teenager is here to teach you about patience... Often, once you discover what someone is trying to teach you, it's easy to let go of your frustration.”
So when you find yourself in conversations this week with a more junior coworker or even someone you disagree with, see if you can lean into curiosity and humility. You might just learn something—and if you do, let me know how it goes!
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