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Compassionate Coding

Sunset and tide pools.

I hope your February is off to a great start! With travel, company trainings, and local tech events, I feel like January flew by.

Today I want to talk about generosity as a choice. I also have a new talk video to share with you. Before we get to that, though, can I ask you a favor?

I’d love to hear how I can best serve you with Compassionate Coding this year. I know companies send too many surveys, but this one is so short. There’s just one main question (and everything else is optional). And, to sweeten the deal, I’ll send you a free sticker as a thank you! 💙 (While supplies last.)

This will help me decide where to focus efforts this year to help you out the most! Thank you for being generous with your time. 🙏

survey

Here is the survey—complete for a free sticker!

Generosity Is Choice

There’s a quote I often think about from On Kindness, “Ordered to be kind, we are likely to be cruel; wanting to be kind, we are likely to discover our generosity.”

When I started Compassionate Coding, I made it my mission to plant seeds of compassion in tech, rather than try to force behavior change. From reading Karen Armstrong, Marshall Rosenberg, and others, I learned that if I sink to the level of aggression I’m advocating against, I defeat my purpose. I haven’t been perfect in my attempts (who is?), but I’m honestly trying.

In recent years, I’ve seen how well-meaning efforts to create change in tech and the culture more generally have sometimes devolved into aggressive, hateful condemnations and attempts to force changes in language or behavior. I’m starting to understand why those opposed to these impositions view them as authoritarian. Tim Urban explores this in his book What’s Our Problem?

From Tim Urban’s What’s Our Problem?

As convinced as we may be that our beliefs are the way, and that everyone should just get with the program, the truth is we live in a free society (thankfully!). People are free to make their own choices—kind or cruel, generous or selfish.

Generosity is a choice. Luckily, it’s a choice that comes with benefits, like increased happiness and a sense of connection to others, so people have reasons to make that choice.

I write this for two groups who may be reading it:

  1. If you’ve felt bullied to “get with the program” and forced to adopt new beliefs or behaviors that you still have questions about, know that you remain free to make your own choices. Neither compassion nor generosity requires that you go along with every angry demand you encounter on the internet.

  2. If you feel the only way to make positive change in the world is to force people into it, please know that there is another way. It is possible to initiate change with a softer touch, an invitation rather than a command. I’ve found people respond better to this approach. That’s why I’ve chosen to focus on bridge-building. Of course, here too, the choice is yours. It may help to think about what’s been more effective in changing your own beliefs—dialogue or demands?

It’s also important to note that there are so many different causes in the world, and so many different ways to support them. Everyone is free to decide where and how to contribute. The more intentional you are in finding ways to be generous that feel good to you personally, the more likely you are to continue without burning out. Creative Mornings recently had a great Field Trip about this, Healing the World without Harming Yourself.

The key, as I repeat in my talks, is connecting with your own core values and finding causes aligned with that. If enough of us do that, the world has a good chance. (You may think, but what if everyone’s core values are evil, but the thing about core values is that they tend to emerge from the deep-down innate goodness at the heart of every human, rather than the surface-level defensive armoring we build to survive in the world.)

And no matter what causes you support, take good care of yourself, too. Remember this from Kathy LeMay’s The Generosity Plan: “In order for your cause to benefit, you need to be strong, healthy, well-fed, well-rested, and capable of staying the course.”

New Talk - Showing Care Between the Keyboard and the Chair

Thanks to the speedy organizers, my keynote from the iOS Conference in Singapore is already up on YouTube! The topic is “Showing Care Between the Keyboard and the Chair” (a more positive riff on PEBKAC).

keynote

Some topics touched on in this one:

  • The power of community

  • Why we should be careful with the Vision Pro

  • We need more rest than robots

  • Is bubble sort compassionate?

  • Coders can learn from non-coders

  • How to work consistently with your core values

  • Is the dress white and gold or black and blue?

  • The perils of binary thinking

  • We don’t need to call ourselves or our users idiots

  • The importance of user research, even for developers

  • Individuals can make a difference

I’d be curious to hear your thoughts! Feel free to respond to this email and let me know.

Upcoming public events

  • February 17 - Pitch Judging at Treasure Hacks, San Diego

  • April 24 - Keynote at php[tek], Chicago

  • May 20 - 21 - Conference - Malmö, Sweden

  • July 21 - 24 - Conference - Toronto, Canada

More to come! ✈️

I’ve also been scheduling my usual private client training events on communication, engagement, emotional intelligence, etc. for tech companies. Feel free to reach out if you’d like to schedule one.

Compassion Around the Web

  • Professor Josh Brake is saying no to the Vision Pro

  • In my talks, I always invite people to slow down; how about even doing nothing?

  • Can compassion lead to healthier masculinity?

  • An upcoming Zoom session on Living Poetically with Fateme Banishoeib

  • How to avoid the victim mindset (Surprised I’m sharing that? Remember, self-compassion is not self-pity.)

Please do fill out the survey—free sticker in the short term and valuable new content for you in the long term!

Talk to you soon!
💙 April

P.S. If you found something interesting here, feel free to forward this email to a friend!

And if someone did forward you this email, sign up so you can get the next one.

 
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Compassionate Coding LLC
270 N El Camino Real, Suite F429
Encinitas, CA, 92024
USA

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