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As convinced as we may be that our beliefs are the way, and that everyone should just get with the program, the truth is we live in a free society (thankfully!). People are free to make their own choices—kind or cruel, generous or selfish. Generosity is a choice. Luckily, it’s a choice that comes with benefits, like increased happiness and a sense of connection to others, so people have reasons to make that choice. I write this for two groups who may be reading it: If you’ve felt bullied to “get with the program” and forced to adopt new beliefs or behaviors that you still have questions about, know that you remain free to make your own choices. Neither compassion nor generosity requires that you go along with every angry demand you encounter on the internet. If you feel the only way to make positive change in the world is to force people into it, please know that there is another way. It is possible to initiate change with a softer touch, an invitation rather than a command. I’ve found people respond better to this approach. That’s why I’ve chosen to focus on bridge-building. Of course, here too, the choice is yours. It may help to think about what’s been more effective in changing your own beliefs—dialogue or demands?
It’s also important to note that there are so many different causes in the world, and so many different ways to support them. Everyone is free to decide where and how to contribute. The more intentional you are in finding ways to be generous that feel good to you personally, the more likely you are to continue without burning out. Creative Mornings recently had a great Field Trip about this, Healing the World without Harming Yourself. The key, as I repeat in my talks, is connecting with your own core values and finding causes aligned with that. If enough of us do that, the world has a good chance. (You may think, but what if everyone’s core values are evil, but the thing about core values is that they tend to emerge from the deep-down innate goodness at the heart of every human, rather than the surface-level defensive armoring we build to survive in the world.) And no matter what causes you support, take good care of yourself, too. Remember this from Kathy LeMay’s The Generosity Plan: “In order for your cause to benefit, you need to be strong, healthy, well-fed, well-rested, and capable of staying the course.”
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