As you may have heard, the Hard Tech Era has arrived—and “hard” isn’t just about hardware. Emotions are out. Coldness is in. In keeping with the times, I’m rebranding Compassionate Coding to Cutthroat Coding. No more feelings, no more kindness. Humans are just resources to be exploited in the name of profit. Cutthroat Coding will show you how to get it done. Because feelings don’t ship features.

…

Of course, I’m kidding! Moving back to the Bay Area has changed me, but not that much. 😅

When I started Compassionate Coding nearly a decade ago, the tech landscape was already “hard.” Sure, company perks may have been more lavish, but people were already burning out. Products were already exploiting psychological vulnerabilities. Talking about “softness” and “empathy” certainly didn’t win you respect in most circles. “Compassionate Coding? Isn’t that an oxymoron?” was an early response to my company name.

It feels like we’re cycling through another swing of the pendulum. It went too far in one direction—and let’s be honest, it really did: compassion too often morphed into condescension or coercion. Now, it’s swinging back the other way.

I’d like to hope that tech—humanity, even—will eventually find the middle path, but I’m not sure we’ll see that balance in our lifetimes.

So where does that leave those of us who genuinely care—who want to lead with compassion regardless of what’s trending?

Staying Soft Through the Hard Tech Era

Now that I’m back in the Bay Area, the belly of the tech beast, I’ll admit that it’s been harder to stay connected to my own softness. I occasionally even feel tempted to drift back to my old “jerk programmer” ways as I observe how cynicism and emotional numbness continue to be rewarded in tech. But this time around, I’m not willing to suppress my humanity. I won’t sacrifice my soul. People can call me “squishy” all they like.

Here are a few strategies that are helping me stay soft as tech goes hard. Maybe they’ll help you too.

1. Silently send loving thoughts

No one at work knows what’s happening inside your head or heart. That means you can be as sugary sweet in there as you like without fear of judgment.

Try silently sending loving thoughts to yourself, your family, the people you pass on your commute, your favorite coworkers, open source maintainers, the most cynical coworkers, the coworkers who irritate you the most, your boss, everyone out there looking for a job…

You’ll definitely feel better. They might, too.

2. Remember that compassion works

We know that treating people well is just the right thing to do, but in corporate environments, where you may face resistance and skepticism, it’s helpful to remember that leading with kindness also gets results.

The research is clear: investing in employee well-being builds trust, strengthens team cohesion, and improves long-term financial performance.

Revisit books like Awakening Compassion at Work and The Art of Being Human at Work as often as you need.

3. Find softness sanctuaries

Find places—likely outside of tech—where your softness is celebrated, not just tolerated.

I’ve found refuge in fruit gleaning groups, herbalist gatherings, meditation circles, karaoke nights, deep conversations with loved ones, and even in quiet communion with nature along the shoreline or in the woods.

Spending time in your softness sanctuaries can provide nourishment for when you return to harsher environments.

Ultimately, however, you may decide that an environment is just too harsh. As Talane Miedaner writes in Coach Yourself to a New Career,

“Yes, we can all adapt for a certain period, but the longer you work in an environment that isn't suited to your natural style, the more miserable and stressed you’ll become.”

Job crafting can help to a certain extent, but sometimes the most compassionate option may be planning your exit.

Compassion and Code Around the Web

• Leaders: Forget management fads. Just be human.

• Marcus Blankenship is one of the kind podcast hosts who welcomed me for a conversation in the early days of my business. He’s now writing authentically and vulnerably about his experience with burnout as a tech leader.

• We don’t need clever names for every manifestation of the spiritual crisis of our time, but “quiet cracking” is real, and it deserves compassion. (Thanks, Claude Jones, for sharing the term!)

• 49% of CEOs say they don’t make time to practice empathy.

• Creative Mornings discussion: Navigating AI with heart.

• Known Through Connection, a beautiful human-centered podcast started by longtime supporter Jess Collicott.

“I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.” —Leo Rosten

Stay soft. Stay strong.

💙 April

P.S. I know it’s been a while… I’d love to hear from you! Whatever you feel like sharing.

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