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Self-Compassion in the Job Search If you’re currently looking for a job, this will hopefully provide some comfort, and if you’re not, hopefully it will deepen your compassion for those who are. You are likely familiar with the challenges of today’s tech hiring market. Candidates and companies alike are using AI in the process, which might increase perceived efficiency, but also tends to have a dehumanizing effect. Layoffs and business closures have flooded the market with experienced candidates, so career-switchers, returnees, and juniors are struggling to break in. Even people with jobs are fearful and may stay in unsatisfying positions to avoid the interview gauntlet. When companies “ghost” you or send automated rejections, what can you to do keep your head up? Enter self-compassion! Here are some tips on how to treat yourself more kindly during the job search progress. Remember you are not alone. Part of self-compassion as described by Dr. Kristin Neff is remembering that you are not the only one who feels difficult feelings. Whether you’re doubting your abilities or your basic self-worth, you are not alone in your suffering. Even if you’re worried for your future or your family, you are not alone. You might find it helpful to share your story with people who have been through similar experiences and can provide guidance. You can also connect with other job seekers. Just be careful to avoid co-rumination. You can acknowledge the difficult feelings, while also finding ways to support and encourage each other to stay hopeful (see the Optimistic October discussion from last time). One of the unfortunate side effects of the pandemic response was the closure of many local meetups. Some have come back, though, so try to find one or even start a group! Balance the job search with activities under your control. One of the hardest parts of the job search is that so much of it is out of your control. You can update your resume, send off hundreds or thousands of applications, and diligently practice for interviews, but you cannot control the hiring decisions, or even whether you’ll get a chance to make your case. This can lead to a feeling of learned helplessness. So, to avoid this, try balancing your time between activities directly relating to the job search process and activities completely unrelated that feel more empowering. For example, you may spend time learning a new recipe and enjoying the delicious result. You may take up a new hobby that provides intermittent feelings of fulfillment. You may choose to volunteer! For example, I love gleaning fruit in our area and seeing the pounds pile up to be donated. If you’re looking for something less formal, you could even spend some time picking up litter around your neighborhood. It can provide a feeling of satisfaction while helping your community. Remind yourself of past successes. If you have been out of work for a while, you might forget what it feels like to be happily employed, productive, and valued. Try to think back on all that you have accomplished in your career and life thus far. You might also remind yourself of past challenges you have overcome. This can help build your confidence. Trust your intrinsic worth. This is easier said than done, but please know that your worth goes beyond on your job. The job search process makes me think of this quote from bell hooks: “Many jobs undermine self-love because they require that workers constantly prove their worth.” The tech hiring process, especially, with its LeetCode-style tests, whiteboard challenges, and overall adversarial approach may make you feel like you have to “prove your worth.” Remember that your worth goes far deeper than your job title, how fast you can invert a binary tree, or how well you met KPIs in your last position. You are a unique human being with many positive qualities. Please don’t let the job search break your spirit.
If you are searching, I wish you luck in finding a new opportunity. I have faith that the right next opportunity is out there waiting for you. If you are on the hiring side of the process, please know that many people out there are struggling. You might be struggling, as well, overwhelmed with the volume of incoming applications. While optimizing your hiring process, try not to overlook people who don’t fit an AI-worthy mold of the perfect candidate. Look for mindset, look for potential, and give people a chance. Bringing more compassion to the process will benefit both sides.
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